DISCLAIMER

I am in no way shape or form telling you that you should illegally grow Marijuana.  Your decisions are your own.  I merely provide this information for educational purposes only and upon continuing further, you hereby release me of any liability for any negative consequences that may or may not result from your decision to cultivate Marijuana.

Welcome to Waffle Hell.

It’s 8pm. In less than an hour I’ll be surrounded by grease, rude, drunk, ignorant barely coherent rednecks, 17 year old waitresses that enjoy shoving glass coke bottles up their Ass, 14 year old waitresses that enjoy taking truck drivers and construction workers to the dumpster and giving free blow jobs, and cigarette smoke.  Just another night at Waffle house.  Family dining, family dysfunction.  I’m cooking tonight, and trying to supervise the nasty whores that work here.  In about 6 hours the drunk rush will be here and I will be subjected to the depraved starving cries, laughter and assholery of our bar clientele.  I do what I can to remain sane.  I write in this blog, I smoke a joint or a blunt, listen to music and chase the cats and possums that continually crawl under my car seeking shelter.  Its not all bad though. I get to eat. Unfortunately everything in this place has a very high likelihood to kill anything it touches so…yeah…welcome to waffle hell.

For Your Eyes Only! -By Tiffers

Dear Duke Slave/Employee;

Thank you for being such a dedicated worker! Pay no attention to the shackles beneath your desks. Thank you for working for less money than your counterparts in the next state over; thank you for slaving away whenever we arbitrarily inform you that you have to. In return we pleasurable expose you to favoritism on a corporate scale coupled with a complete benefits package of all the food we can cram down your mouths to make you as complacent as possible! I mean, free food! Along with exciting possibilities for non-promotion, we offer rides on the public bus and the possibility of disappearing quietly into the night once you’re no longer of use! When you consider the alternatives of being able to spend time with your families or being able to get promoted, you’ll quickly come to the conclusion that your pitiful existence here in your nice warm cubicle is wonderfully better! As a Duke slave, I mean, employee, you have the privilege of dealing with nasty customers, insane members of the community, and the possibility of violence in the workplace every day! What a wonderful life is yours!

Thank you again for helping us take over the world,
Your loving Duke Overlords

JD Byrider to the Rescue!

Do you have bad credit? Do you have a job? Do you need a car? JD Byrider has the cock–uh–car you’ve been looking for!

That’s right! Come on down to JD Byrider and choose from our selection of over 100 quality shit-boxes purchased at auction for around $1,400 and sold to you with a marginal increase in price (to cover administrative costs of course). You pay just $14,500! That’s just 72 easy payments of $385!!!

Now all JD Byrider deathtraps-erm-vehicles, come with our JD Byrider “You’re Fucked” warranty. If one of the strips of duct tape that’s holding your vehicle together falls off, come see our A.S.S. certified techicians and we’ll fix it for just a $25 defucktable-um-deductible! In the event that your P.O.S. CAN’T be fixed with duct tape we promise to use only the best quality hot glue gun or stolen junkyard parts to fix your ride and get you back to work so that you can continue paying our loan sharks-uh-finance department. But remember, we are doing you a HUGE favor here so we will call you and all of your references 6 times on the day you are due to remind you that if you don’t pay on the day you are due, we will come to hatefuck you-i mean-reposess the vehicle.

Our financing process is quick, easy, and will leave a gaping hole in your ass – ahem – a smile on your face. Just provide us with 10 references that we can harass and attempt to peddle our shitty wares to, because, you know, it’s not embarassing at all that you’ve had to resort to JD Byrider in the first place. Our professional loan sharks will sit down with you and play 20 questions. Threaten to maime/kill you and your whole fucking family if you default and generally speaking put the fear of god into you. JD Byrider is a christian company ya know!

You will not receive service like this anywhere!

Just check out some of these amazing reviews:

“I had to go through 6 vehicles from these pieces of shit before I got one that wouldn’t leave me stranded. Then that vehicle blew up with my wife and kids inside and i was powerless to save them as they burned for hours. I swear I will have my revenge. Oh God! They’re coming! They’re coming to get me. Listen, whatever you do you have to ajsl;43848a 489fgajfsll…. hello. I absolutely LOVE JD Byrider! I would recommend them to all of my family and friends. They were kind, understanding, and really helped me get into a car that I could afford. Please go see them now.”

So what are you waiting for? What have you got to lose? Come on down!

2010 Another year gone…

Well, in my usual fashion, I’m about 9 days late with this post, but we’ll just ignore that little detail and move right along, shall we?

So here I am, 347 days since leaving Rhode Island and making the 986 mile trip out to the Tri-State area.  I’ve landed in Florence, Kentucky.  Such a strange and alien place compared to what I grew up around.

I’ve been through a few different jobs out here and am happy to say that I love my new job as Store Manager for AT&T wireless. 

But before we get into that, let’s recap the tale of fail that I forged with the other companies out here.

January 27th, 2010 – Was hired by Dinesh Thakker of Dunkin’ Donuts in Florence,KY.  Worked my ass off and was a slave to the job.  Went 4 1/2 months without a day off and never worked less than 85 hours in a single week.  Started to go a little crazy.  Flipped the fuck out on Mr. Thakker and walked away from that place.

June 3rd, 2010 – Was hired at Jimmy Johns’ sandwich shoppe right next door to moms Dunkin.  They promised the world and delivered a scaled down, poorly painted, replica.  This job lasted 6 days.

June 19th, 2010 – Was hired by Sean Cason at the Crescent Springs Liquor/Tobacco mart.  This job was fun while it lasted.  However I soon fell victom to the drama and politics of favortism.  Was fired on September 28th.

November 23rd.  Was hired by Bill Blankenship, area manager for AT&T Wireless.  Hired as Store Manager for the Lawrenceburg, Indiana location.  Decent base pay, excellent commission, free cell line, and $2,000+ per month in bonus potential.  For the month of January 2011, I will have my first bonus check in the amount of $1,600 plus $670 in commission.  I love this place.

Now, back in March I met Tiffany, and we started dating.  She showed me around the Cincinnati area, and some of the nicer things about Kentucky.  We wasted no time in falling in love and moving in together.  By winter of 2011, we will be husband and wife.

We went from living in a rat-hole basement apartment to living in a Luxury Apartment community (which consists of snooty assholes by the way) and are working on buying our second new car together.

All in all life has been a little rocky financially for us but is getting better, and I eagerly await whatever the future has in store for us.

Merry Christmas!

It’s   Winter.  Everything has officially died.  Trees and roads are covered with the thick icy blankets of death that children and adults alike love and loathe.  Roads are slick, and out here in Kentucky, most people can’t drive with perfect road conditions let alone black ice, several inches of snow on top of it.  These are indeed scary times.  Strange men in malls asking your children to sit on their lap and take pictures, beggars in red suits with kettles at every grocery store, looking for their daily meth fix.  Television shows and “spectaculars” that tell your children horrifying stories of an elderly, obese man with diabetes, breaking into the homes of every child while they sleep, eating their food, and leaving bounties of stolen goods under their tree, which has been raped from the ground and savagely dragged indoors to be kept on life support, only to be killed after this fat man has done his deed.

     Let’s not forget the tale of Rudolph the Coke-head reindeer.  I think we all know why his nose is red… and BY THE WAY… those are not elves!  That is an illegal child slave labor circuit Mr. I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want.  Well, I tell you this, exploiter of children, consumer of cookies, sultan of slaves, I will not allow you back into my home until you bring me my Crossfire game.  YES THAT’S RIGHT!  Years ago, I sent you a list, I even brought a copy of it with me to give you at the Lincoln Mall in Rhode Island.  The one thing I wanted more than anything was that Crossfire game.  Did you bring that to me?  NO!  You did NO SUCH THING!!!!  So those are my terms.  Take it or leave it.

Moving right along now, we took a trip to Cleveland, to go see Tiffanys’ mom.  We left on a Friday, and returned on a Monday.  Well, aparantly Tiffanys’ grandparents in Georgia had sent some gifts up for Aiden, which arrived on Saturday.  The mail carrier, rather than taking the packages back to the post office and leaving us  a note, decided to leave the packages outside our door.   Our packages were stolen.  Merry fucking Christmas, huh?  Well, we printed and posted flyers on every door in all of the buildings, in our apartment community.  (Wonderful fucking community, stealing a 4 year olds’ Christmas presents).  The flyers explained the situation and requested that whomever did it, please return the presents, and they can keep the gift cards.  To this day, no response.

Scumbags.

So, Santa, I was just thinking…instead of the Crossfire game, could you perhaps find the people who stole Aiden’s presents and leave their severed heads up on our mantle?  I promise I’ll never ask for anything again, if you do.

-Deviant420

What’s On Gils’ Phone?

Ok, so quite a few people have asked me now why I spend so much time on my phone.  Well, I decided that at 3am I have nothing better to do, so I took some screenshots of some of the cool shit my phone can do.  Hopefully this will explain a little bit.

 

1. AOL Mail.  Easy Enough

2. Those of you that know me well, know that I can’t play enough BlackJack

3. Barcode Scanner.  Okay this thing is pretty cool.  If I can’t find the price or the info for something in the store, all I gotta do is scan the barcode.

4. Bomb Defuser: Simple little game.  When a bomb turns red, touch it to defuse it.  The more bombs you successfully defuse consequtively, the harder it gets.  Addicting.

5. Calandar Pad:  This little thing acts as my daily planner.  Very useful

6. Calculator: ‘Nuff Said

7. This is my Kindle Ebook Reader app on my phone.  Absoultely love this fucking thing!

8. FaceBook App: Pretty self-explanatory, I can take pictures with my phone and upload them directly to my FaceBook

9. FetchIt!:  Another GodSend.  Have you ever lost your phone, and tried to call it, but then you remember that it’s on vibrate?  Me too…ALL THE TIME…all you have to do with this app is choose a “Fetch Code”  and text that code to your phone from another phone.  It will take your phone off vibrate, max the volume, and make your phone ring.

10. G-Mail.  Easy Enough

11. GPS Navigation.  I still don’t completely know my way around out here, so this has saved my ass MANY times.

12. This is a checklist app.  I use it for groceries mainly.

13.  This is just a screenshot of my main home screen.  And yes, that is a picture of Count Chocula

14. Ah yes, one of the many games I am addicted to.  IMobsters.  Multiplayer Online RPG Meets Seedy Mafia background.  Build up your mob and invest in defense and real estate to generate hourly income.   I am a Beast in this game!

15. Internet.  I can surf the internet just like I would on my computer.

16. Inventory: This is another awesome app.  Using the built in barcode scanner, I can scan a book, cd, dvd, videogame, magazine, blue-ray, any type of media, and the app will fill in the correct info for each item and store it in a database so that I can keep track of all our shit.  I’m kinda geeky like that so naturally I love this.

17.This is a bubble level.  Actually works too.  Used it to make sure all our pictures were straight when we moved into the new place.

18. This is where I download all of the apps I have.

19. I can download full mp3s for free and listen to them or use them as ringtones

20. MyTimeSheet.  This app helps me keep track of hours worked, it calculates my gross and net pay, as well as overtime, break times, and I can email all data to anyone with one button.  Excellent.

21. PalRingo.  This is an app that allows you to link all of your instant messenger services including Yahoo, MSN, AIM, and FaceBook all under one account so you can chat across multiple platforms.  I mainly use it to communicate with my allies in IMobsters and World War.

22. This little app allows me to read and/or create PDF files on my Phone.  Comes in handy when I get an important email from work with a PDF file attached and I can’t get to a pc.

23. Planet In A Bottle:  Very simple game.  You are God.  That is your planet.  Kinda like a gigapet.  You give it sunlight and rain and watch your population grow.  I just wish I could start natural disasters.  That would be sweet.

24. SprintTV:  I can watch any TV Shows, movies, listen to radio, and watch on demand shit like porn

25. This is an example of the text messaging conversation interface.  As you can see, my buddies like to send me some pretty nasty shit from time to time.

26. Tether:  Perhaps one of my favorite apps.  I hate trying to get a Wi-Fi signal.  People clutter it up, slow it down, or the signal is just not reliable.  With this app, it turns my phone into a secure Wi-Fi hotspot.  I can log onto the network from the laptop and use my phones 3G signal for fast free wireless internet.

27.The main menu for text messaging.  All fonts, colors, and backgrounds are customizable, and you can set a password to gain entry to text messages.

28. G-Strings: Another awesome app.  It’s a guitar tuner.

29. Vampires Live!: Same concept as Imobsters, but with vampires.

30. Another convenient app.  VoiceMail.  I don’t have to dial a number then enter my password.  I just touch the app and touch the voicemail id like to listen to.  I don’t have to listen to it either.  I have the option of having the message converted to text.

31. Weather.  I like this.  It was really REALLY wrong one time though.  It said it was 96 degrees and sunny, when I went outside it was about 50 degrees and we were in the middle of a really bad storm.

32. WordPress.  Blogging on the go.  I can place new posts on this blog, and even take pictures with my phones camera and add them to this blog.

33. World War.  Same concept as IMobsters and Vampires Live, except it’s military based, you must build your army to march them to world domination

34. YouTube: This app allows me to watch videos as well as use the camcorder on my phone to take videos and upload them directly to my YouTube account.

35. Same concept as the other games but with Zombies. Mmmm Flesh

Well that’s about it for now.  I’m always downloading new shit so I’ll probably post an update to this posting when I’ve accumulated more things of interest.  Thanks for reading!

-Deviant420

 

 

 

WordPress

Youtube

 

 

Puppies are Assholes…

Ok, so we got a puppy a couple weeks back.  His name is Bubba.  Right now he’s 8 weeks old.  We got him when he was far too young to be away from his parents, but hey, the lady giving him away on Craigslist would have given him to anyone so why not us?

Well, let me first say that he’s a cute little fucker.  He’s part husky(ie), part boxer.  He has some of the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen on a pup.  They’re so blue that Tiff and I were actually a little worried that he may be blind and thus require a seeing-eye dog.

At first he was so cute, all he did was sleep.  He ate occasionally, and drank like a mad-man…

PUPPIES ARE ASSHOLES!

Now, we’ve been trying to crate train him, and yes, we are full aware that it will take time, patience, love, blah blah blah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  We get that.  But Jesus Christ this pups a pain in the fucking ass!  He cries for everything!  I swear, he was crying AND drinking water at the EXACT SAME TIME!  Don’t ask me how it’s possible!

Not too long ago, Tiff and I moved into a really nice apartment community here in Florence.  Well, let’s just say “Rug Doctor” is going to be very helpful once we have this little shit trained.  We take him outside CONSTANTLY, and he will piss outside, but will not shit until he gets back inside to the nice warm expensive carpet and area rug we have waiting for him.

He fucks with our other dog, Trouble, constantly.  She’s actually scared of him.  I caught him hanging by his teeth from her throat the other day!  He won’t play with any of the toys we’ve bought him, he’d much rather chew up my USB cable. 

Also, I thought puppies and dogs in general won’t shit where they sleep?  WRONG!!!  He will shit anywhere and everywhere as long as there is a roof above him.  Take him outside though, and he just sits there and stares at you.  Does our dog have a mental disability?

The other day he was messing with Trouble, who, mind you, is a 7 year old 35 pound lab and bluetick mix.  She didn’t want to put up with his Assholery anymore so she growled at him.  He stopped, stared at her, and let out the most pathetic bark I’ve ever heard.  She whimpered and ran to the corner of the living room.

Perhaps we should have named him Adolph.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions on how to make this pup NOT BE AN ASSHOLE, it would be greatly appreciated.

Until next time,

-Deviant420